Sex advice with Suzi Godson: We no longer kiss each other properly

My fiance and I realise with horror that we no longer kiss beyond a quick smack on the lips. We do have sex. I know we are still in love and we are very much attracted to one another. Is it normal for passionate snogging to disappear? Should I be worried?

It is good to be aware of changes in your sexual relationship, but as long as you are still attracted to each other and having regular sex, this kissing drought should probably be interpreted as a blip. Having said that, I would urge you to make more time for kissing. It is, after all, one of the reasons you got together.

A study by psychologists published in the online journal Evolutionary Psychology, found that women use kissing as a mate-assessment device and as a means of initiating, maintaining and monitoring the status of their relationship with a long-term partner.

In my opinion, the power of kissing is grossly underestimated. The lips are our most easily accessed erogenous zone and they are packed with nerve endings that are located close to the surface of the skin. The lips are thought to be about 100 times more sensitive than the fingers, but, unfortunately, the more sexually familiar a couple are, the more goal-orientated they tend to become. After all, why waste time snogging when you can have an orgasm? This can be true of both men and women.

It is a real shame, because kissing provides a crucial window for arousal to build. It is also a lost opportunity, because kissing is one of the most efficient and convenient ways for couples to remain sexually intimate in a committed relationship.

French kissing is a choreographed exploration of each other’s mouths where you automatically and intuitively know how to mirror each other’s movements.

I have to confess that I am a big fan of kissing; because I associate kissing with sex, I have, over the years, developed an almost Pavlovian response to it.

As your life together gets busier, you’ll find it can be an extremely useful shortcut to arousal. Kissing is one of the few sexual exchanges that doesn’t have to happen behind closed doors, yet as soon as two people kiss, the rest of the world disappears. In his poem ‘Kissing’, the poet Michael McFee described “the kisser and kissee disappearing into a single body”, and that is exactly what it feels like. French kissing is an incredibly intimate experience.

Since you are clearly missing the way you used to kiss, why not try implementing a sex ban for a few days? If the only physical intimacy you allow yourselves is kissing, you will soon rediscover its secret powers.

Remember, kissing doesn’t have to be confined to the lips. The nape of the neck, the eyelids, the inner thighs, the armpits and the base of the spine are highly sensitive. If you’re feeling uncomfortable about initiating a passionate snog seemingly out of nowhere, start by nuzzling his neck then moving into a brief but sensuous kiss. This will pave the way for more later.

Kissing allows us to smell and taste each other, so ensuring that your breath is fresh, it is polite and sexy. Incorporating food and drink into kissing games can also be great fun.

I’m sure you’ll find that once you both rediscover your passion for kissing each other, you won’t be able to stop.

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