Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for ages
That must have been ruff. I think your best bet is to book the front row, and then pay for a family of southsiders to fly in the row behind you. I looked up the details there on NorryBuffers.ie. You can hire a family from Turner’s Cross for only 50 quid, and that comes with a guarantee they won’t try and talk to you (imagine).
Sorry, but Cork beat you to it. We already have a small island where young people go every summer to cop a feel with a stranger. It’s called Cape Clear. The only downside is they have to pretend to speak Irish to each other when outsiders are watching. But then you’d be well used to that below in Dingle. #CuplaFocal.
Shake it Off? My Conor once said, would it be ok if I pretended you were someone else during sex? I said, go for it. He said, you can do the same. I said, don’t worry, I always imagine I’m someone else when we’re doing it. He said I think our relationship is in crisis and we should see some one. I said, I’m already seeing three different guys, so time-tabling would be a nightmare. We had a good old laugh about it.
I’d love to answer, but my solicitors told me to lay off Limerick. I had a word with my GAA friend, No Fault Froggy Boy!! (he insists on the exclamation marks). I said, is there any way to use loads of money to roll over your opposition in the GAA? He said, not really, unless you’re the Dublin footballers. #VeryBitter
My friend Pervy Peadar is an expert in pornography. (He’s on his third and final fair-usage warning from the broadband provider). I said, does porn give you unrealistic expectations when you go out and meet women? He said no. I said how come? He said because I never go out and meet women. #TheHonestPerv