The top 10 one-liners of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe have been revealed - and the winner just plain sucks (sorry).
Every year 10 judges scourd the festival’s venues for a week before nominating their three favourite jokes.
They were then put to the public vote, with 2,000 people choosing the 10 they found funniest.
And (drum roll please) here they are:
1. “I’ve decided to sell my Hoover ... well, it was just collecting dust” -.
2. “I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set” –.
3. “Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief” –.
4. “I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s” –.
5. “I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me” -.
6. “Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal” –.
7. “Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying” -.
=8. “I forgot my inflatable Michael Gove, which is a shame ’cause halfway through he disappears up his own a***hole” –.
=8. “I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven” -.
10. “This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it” –
“I go to the kebab shop so much that when they call me boss in there it’s less a term of affection, more an economic reality” –.
“Leadership looks fun, but it’s stressful. Just look at someone leading a conga” –.
“I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved” –.
Tim Vine, 47, saw his joke scoop almost a fifth of the votes in the competition run by comedy television channel Dave.
It is the first time the award has been presented to a previous winner. Vine triumphed in 2010 with the joke: “I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
He was also runner up in 2011, 2012 and 2013.
On being crowned this year’s winner, Vine said: “I’m a little bit surprised but very delighted. This is the second time I’ve won this award but I guess nobody loves a repeat more than Dave.”