Ask Audrey: Priests get territorial if you tell them you fancy a nun

Got a problem? Ask Audrey...

How’re oo’ goin’ on? Herself was a bit generous pouring her drop of vodka last night and didn’t she come clean on something that has been bothering her recently, namely me. It turns out I’m a very boring man, afraid to try anything new. I said we’ll see about that Nora, and in a moment of madness, told her I’m going to start using the new self-service tills below in the supermarket. She said you’ll need to do better than that. So now I’m taking up mixed martial arts. Is this a good move? –Dan De Dan-Dan, head out beyond Inchigeelagh until you see a hand-written sign saying, ‘FREE Gina, Dale, Haze and the Champions t-shirt with every carton of eggs’.

I checked with my gym bunny niece. She said you probably want to be the next Conor McGregor. I said Conor Who? She said, you know, the vulgar loudmouth from Dublin who loves parading around in underwear. I said, are you sure that isn’t Vogue Williams?