And were ye? I had a similar problem in Italy last year, with a couple called Gerry and Phil from Fairhill. When we were driving through Rome, Gerry said, “Look Phil girl, they have a Coliseum here as well!” My Posh Cousin was with me and said, I think you’ll find now Gerry that the Coliseum here, has more going for it than the one in Cork. He said, I think that depends on whether or not you fancy a game of pool, girl. My Posh Cousin said, what’s pool? We were the ones who ended up as a laughing stock.
Are you sure your wife is telling the whole story? I looked up gullible in the dictionary there and it says, “Someone who believes there is an intellectual in Killorglin.” I then looked up intellectual in the Killorglin Book of Big Words and it reads “You know, your man Beardy Mike who passed the Inter Cert.” If you think going to a festival might save your marriage, the West Cork Literary Festival is on in July. They allow in a small number of Kerry people, as long as ye stand in the back and don’t interrupt the poetry readings with “Chryst, lads, you’d think she’d at least make it rhyme.”
I hear Crook has gone a bit common alright. There is actually a popular method to show off your wealth in the Examiner. It’s called Tommy Barker. You put your house up for sale and get our property editor, Tommy, to do an article about it. It usually takes about three months for him to get around to you, so that’s plenty of time to get a slightly bigger hot-tub than Monica in the tennis club. A side-tip for you. Posh Cork has stopped name-dropping Simon for a few months, after he lost to someone from Dublin. (Imagine!)
It depends on your car. If it’s worth over 50 grand, and you take the bales of hay out of the back so my neighbours might mistake you for a dentist, then I’m up for anything. (And I mean anything.) If you still think you’ll do better in town, I suppose you could always try Crane Lane. It’s popular with Cork women looking for men who speak English as a second language, so you’ll fit in as long as you don’t wear your pointy, tan shoes. Tell the DJ you are a fan of Tipperary GAA and he’ll probably play Rumours. (He has an awful cheek.)
I know, you can look down on everyone. Don’t mind your Mom. With the length of the housing list these days, there isn’t a Norry’s chance in Pres that you’ll get your hands on a place from the council. So, it looks like you’ll be stuck living with her. Sorry about that. And good luck.