Ask Audrey: You won’t miss $300, it’s not like you are from Turners Cross

Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for ages

Hello dear. I got a message on my computer just there saying it had been taken over by a worm and I would have to pay a $300 ransom in something called bitcoin. You’d get more sense out of a Kerryman. Anyway, I’m very sad about this as I can’t get at the photos I’m using to blackmail Gerard up at the bridge club. Do you think I should pay? — Marie, Model Farm Rd, let’s just say he spent a weekend in Kinsale

I hear you. I don’t think you’d miss $300 — it’s not like you live in Turners Cross. If it’s any consolation, this wasn’t the only virus to hit us this week. I hear they are also struggling to control the latest outbreak of delusions of grandeur below in Ballycotton.