Ask Audrey: My sexy wife has offered to dress as Jean Byrne and read the weather

Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for ages

How’re oo goin’ on? Herself is after falling in with a pack of free-love merchants in Bantry and said I can try something perverted for my birthday. I’m torn between wearing a pair of her knickers when I’m playing pitch and putt, or getting her to dress up as your one Jean Byrne and read out the weather from Met.ie. Would do you reckon yourself? — Jim Dicky Denis, Glengarriff, is there anything to be said for spanking?

I usually just say I’ve been a very naughty girl and my Conor legs it upstairs to get his table-tennis bat. I have to say, I find pitch and putt disgusting, no matter whose knickers you are wearing.