Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

Got an issue? Ask Audrey...

Any craic? I’ve a house to let back in Dingle if any of ye Cork lads would be interested in booking it for August. It’s not like ye have a match to go to in Dublin or anything. The house has 4 bedrooms and all the mod cons. What do ye think of that now? — Ger Mick Ger, head out of Tralee until you see two brothers sharing a pair of shoes.

I was going to say you’re a cute Kerry hoor, slipping an ad into your letter. Then I took a look at your Facebook page. No one would ever accuse you of being cute. (Is that your nose or a collection of warts?) I’d need a couple of more details before I’d recommend your house. I know from experience that mod cons in a Kerry house means two tin openers and a signed photo of Kieran Donaghy.