Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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C’mere, I was in town there the other day and noticed that Cork city is now basically one large posh burger restaurant. I was going to bring the old doll to one until I looked at the menu and saw the prices — €15 for a burger with blue cheese. Has the price of blue cheese gone mad or something like? Donie ‘Dowcha Wan of Our Own’ Donovan, Bandon Road.

No Donie. The whole point of the blue cheese is to keep you confined to your local chipper. The kind of hipsters who go to these places would be mortified if you rocked up and ordered a salad burger with no onions, a pie and a carton of peas. I’m stuck now trying to think of something special you could do for your girlfriend. Maybe you could stop calling her the old doll.