Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

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Ciao. I bought an Irish rugby jersey last month so I could meet rich girls here in Cork. Thanks to Argentina, it is now as popular as a soap shop in Clonmel. Will I attract the ladies if I wear this jersey during the play-off football matches against Bosnia? –– Marco, Venice and Turners Cross.

You might attract a few ladies, but they won’t have any money. It’s well-known that Douglas and Blackrock ladies tend to steer clear of pubs when the Irish soccer team is playing. They don’t want to take the chance that Ireland score and they end up hugging a northsider in the confusion. Your best bet now is to invest in a Munster rugby jersey. That should get you plenty of action until they are knocked out of the European Champions Cup by some French crowd with loads of money. At which point you can start wearing it to GAA matches. Red. It’s the colour that keeps on giving here in Cork.