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I tried to book a 5-star hotel break in Kerry for the bank holiday weekend. (We haven’t gone abroad since they allowed northsiders to fly.) There isn’t a room available anywhere, even though we could easily afford two grand a night (Hugh is high up in pensions.) What’s going on? –– Eva, Monkstown, my gardener knows Latin, we’re that posh.

I’m delighted to see Cork people are still going to Kerry on holidays. It’s so important to help people less fortunate than ourselves. What’s going on is that the boom is back Eva. It’s harder to find a 5-star hotel room in Munster than it is for a Tipperary man to understand the rules of Connect 4. Remember the golden rule if you do get a room. No vouchers. That’s the kind of thing a Norrie might win at a table quiz. And don’t forget to ask where’s the best place to park your helicopter in a loud voice.