Sex File: What happens if the passion wanes between us?

Rather than undermine the fun you are having by analysing past failures or worrying about potential problems in the future, you are better off just trying to enjoy what you have while it lasts

Mon, 26 Jan, 2026 - 02:00

Suzi Godson

My partner and I have been together for six months and are still in the honeymoon phase, having sex every time we see each other. He is enthusiastic about our sex life, and has told me a lack of sex was a nail in the coffin of his previous marriage. While I'm loving his attention, I'm concerned he'll lose interest when it (naturally) starts to wane. Any advice?

I would take what he said with a pinch of salt. People who get divorced often need to create a narrative to explain why their marriage failed and not having sex is a standard complaint. For obvious reasons, few people getting divorced are having great sex ... with each other.

I'm not sure you need to, but if you decided to probe his statement more rigorously, I'm sure you'd find the absence of sex in their relationship was a symptom of deeper issues: toxic communication, emotional distance, financial strain etc, rather than the primary cause of the divorce itself.

Rather than undermine the fun you are having by analysing past failures or worrying about potential problems in the future, you are better off just trying to enjoy what you have while it lasts. After all, you have no idea where you will both be this time next year. Relationships never come with a guarantee. All you can do is try to live in the moment and be conscious of how he makes you feel.

Right now you are loving his attention and you are having lots of great sex. Regardless of what happens in the long term, this relationship sounds great for your wellbeing and your self-esteem. If it sustains it will inevitably change, but that's nothing to be afraid of.

In two years' time you will both be more focused on the quality of your overall relationship than the quantity of sex that you are having. By then you will know each other better, you will trust each other more and you will be more deeply and more intimately connected.

Sex will change too, but your not-so-new partner will have realised during this time that the thing that matters most to him is having a sexual partner who, unlike his ex-wife, actually likes him for who he is. And that, of course, is the thing that differentiates good sex from anything else.

You can have sex with anyone, but you can only have great sex with someone you like and are attracted to, and who you know is attracted to you and likes you back.

You are worried about him losing interest in you if you can't keep up the sexual pace, but unless you have suffered from low sexual desire or experienced mismatched libidos with a previous partner, there is no point trying to predict how you will feel in the future.

You should never try to be someone you are not to hang on to a man or settle for Mr Half-Right because you are afraid to be alone. You've only known each other for six months and in the honeymoon phase of any relationship we are blind to each other's faults in a way that seems staggering through the rear-view mirror.

For all you know, you will be the one who loses interest in him for reasons not yet apparent, so all you can do is take one day at a time. If things work out you'll live happily ever after. If they don't you'll have had a pleasurable short-term relationship, which has reminded you that great sex is great fun, even if it doesn't end in long-term commitment.