Sex File: I want to restart our sex life after 30 years together

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My wife and I, after 30 years together, had both lost interest in our sex lives. We both had affairs — purely sexual — but have decided we want to stay together. I think we need to do something different and start our sex life from scratch, but I don’t know how.

Your affairs may have been purely sexual, but that ignores the emotional consequences that your mutual infidelity has had on your relationship with each other. Yes, perhaps your affairs were purely sexual, but in any romantic relationship, infidelity is a violation of trust. It is not quite as simple as the two affairs cancelling each other out. You have both destroyed part of your relationship and your past. This makes this a very complicated situation. That you and your wife had affairs does not simplify it. It simply means that one relationship has been damaged by two people, and it is not as simple as “starting from scratch”.