Ask Audrey: Is it possible to get to Shannon Airport without driving through Limerick?

Sorting Cork people out for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. There have been a few strange faces around the village in the past few months, and not just the strange faces you see on the crowd from the Kerry side of the border. The faces here belong to people who read one article in the Irish Times under the headline ‘Sophisticated brainboxes moving to rural Ireland for simpler things in life’, and all of a sudden you have people from Dublin asking Reena in the post office if she sells fermented mushrooms.

I met a fella called Gordon yesterday on a cargo bike and didn’t he ask me if there was an art-house cinema in Ballydesmond and I said no, maybe try Scartaglin they’re fierce pretentious over there, just to get rid of him and his fecking perfect looking twins. Anyway, there’s a bunch of them after forming a protest group to stop a local rooster doing his cock-a-doodle-doo at 5am, their slogan is ‘Ssssh Dude, we’re trying to do yoga here’. Did you ever hear the like of it? Would it be ethnic cleansing if we sent them back to Dublin, tell me?