Ask Audrey: My wife wants me to shift her in public, to show we're still an item

Sorting out Cork people for ages...

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• Hello old stock. Awkward times here in my €4.5 million mansion on the Blackrock Road. A photo emerged last week  showing me riding around Douglas on a motor-bike with a very open-minded brunette from Seville. This is hugely embarrassing for the whole family, because Douglas is well down the social scale for someone like myself. My wife Marjorie said she wants me to do a Dominic West, whatever that is, and shift her in public to show that we’re still an item. I said, do you want me to feel you up as well and she said no, we’ll stick with tongues. The problem now is my new ‘friend’ from Seville is the jealous type, you know the Latins, fiery. So, how can I persuade her that snogging Marjorie in public doesn’t mean anything?
  — Reggie, Blackrock