Denis Lehane's note to Conor McGregor: The Belgian Blue is way out of your league
The Belgian Blue is a class act. They are the Michelangelo of the cattle world. The Belgian Blue is way out of McGregor's league. File Picture.
Conor McGregor is now on the lookout for a few Belgian Blue bulls. He announced the fact on the internet.
And while the computer is a handy old yoke in many ways, I firmly believe it's no place to buy livestock. You need to see an animal in the flesh. You need to look the beast squarely in the eye before you commit to a price.
Otherwise, you are merely buying a pig in a poke. And any man who buys a pig in a poke, instead of a bull, is a fool.
If Conor McGregor is being honest about his need to purchase a few Belgian Blue cattle and has any clue at all, he will pick up a copy of a paper like this one and take some advice from a knowledgeable old cattleman such as myself.
A well-seasoned campaigner on the subject of cattle, a world-renowned genius when it comes to raising the hand and buying cattle. I have forgotten more about cattle than the likes of McGregor will ever know. I was reared in the cattle marts, and indeed the nearby bars, of an old Ireland where cattle were purchased by men who wouldn't know woke from wake.
When it comes to cattle, I have been there, done that and worn the dirty boots. And the first thing I would say to Conor McGregor on his quest to purchase Belgian Blue cattle is not to buy Belgian Blue cattle.
Any fellow starting out in the cattle game would be mad to buy such extravagant stock. McGregor needs to begin with a few handy cheap bullocks and not be starting with the Belgian Blue.
The Belgian Blue is a class act. They are the Michelangelo of the cattle world. The Belgian Blue is way out of McGregor's league. Like a fellow learning to drive in a Rolls Royce or learning to drink out of a bottle of champagne, t'would be the wrong way entirely to begin.
You need to start small Conor. There will be plenty time for the Belgian Blue when you are on your feet, and know your arse from your elbow, and are not such a gursun in the cattle game.
Now as luck would have it, I have a few cattle right here on the ranch that would suit the likes of McGregor down to the ground. Fine likeable cattle. Jolly devils. They are a long ways from the Belgian Blue, and that I can guarantee.
Cattle of humble origins who are stone mad for grass either on this farm or in neighbouring ones. Athletic cattle who will climb a ditch in the blink of an eye. Clever cattle who can sense when a fencer is misfiring and will seize any opportunity when one presents itself.
Cattle who won't break the bank to purchase, but who don't come cheap either. Cattle, Conor my dear man, that I can arrange delivery of within the next few days, once I manage to round them up.
Some of them may have horns, but don't worry about that. There's no extra charge for the handlebars. One fellow has no tail either, but that's OK too. Don't we manage fine ourselves without a tail?
They are cattle that would suit a beginner like McGregor down to the ground and, most importantly of all, cattle that will get our beloved cage fighter on the road to the mighty Belgian Blue.
