But surely, it can’t just be about the money? I can see what the Diet Coke gang have to gain, but what’s in it for Jamie... besides the paycheck? He can’t love unicorns that much, can he?

"Wooden Leg McCarthy, they used to call me. (These days, two glasses of a Pinot Noir, and I have to be put to bed with a hot water bottle and a Kombucha.)"

"I’m so jealous of those cool people who casually say, ‘I’m just going for a run’, pop a homemade protein ball, and then gallop off, all earbuds and effortlessness and coordinated hand motions and normal cholesterol levels. The smug bastards."

"When you’re a child, you have a unique relationship with your dog. I can see it now I’m the mam. My boys adore our fella in a way I don’t. Like, he’s great and all, but it’s not like the absolute fierce way I loved Shep."

Being a keen observer of the human race, I’ve noticed some interesting holiday group dynamics. Here are my favourites from the summer stay-county-cation of 2024.

I tried everything to get that baby out of me, spicy food, acupuncture, a penis. Nothing worked

"Ah yeah, I’ll happily suck your soul out through your phone for four minutes instead of tapping out a response that would take less than four seconds."

"Here are my top five campaigns that I wish to enforce immediately, all of which deserve their own columns, but I have a deadline looming so I’m going to throw them all out there."

"Those Gen Zers — or Zoomers as I like to call them — will never know the pain, both physical and mental, of straightening your hair with the actual iron. I still have the scalp scalds."

You worry more about the girls? Well, maybe it’s time we start worrying about the boys