Columns - Irish Examiner

Aida Austin

'I need your verdict on whether or not my normal self is a dismayed tortoise. And for god’s sake stop laughing'

NEW home, 8.30am and my husband returns to the bedroom after his shower.

Sat, 20 Feb, 2016

There’s nothing so depressing as boasting about something you used to do that you can’t anymore

Home, Tuesday, 7pm, and my daughter is unsettled to discover, that, at 23 years of age, she’s lost the ability to do the splits.

Sat, 13 Feb, 2016

‘Sometimes, I think he feels it’s safer to chat through a dog’

9PM, at home in our new town house. The nuts and bolts of selling our old farmhouse have been accomplished, but the buckles and braces require some attention.

Sat, 06 Feb, 2016

And then there is an apocalyptic explosion in the bathroom

It is the second night we have spent in our new town house and my husband and I are lying side by side at midnight in bed, bathed in the soft glow of bedside-lamp light, enjoying the peace in our bones. I for one have not felt peace in my bones for half a year.

Sat, 30 Jan, 2016

'He sleeps deeply while I lie in the valley of death'

Monday evening. We moved house this morning.

Sat, 23 Jan, 2016

For two decades, I’ve lived in a field. I’m not sure I want to die in one”

December 1, 11 pm and my husband and I are lying in bed. 

Sat, 16 Jan, 2016

Sustaining this column on my shortcomings would be hard

New year, and now that I’m entering my fifth year of writing this column, perhaps it’s time to acknowledge the people in my life who offer themselves up for ridicule each week — and make this column possible.

Sat, 09 Jan, 2016

Rummaging around in this idea of Gender Studies with my mother

Cornwall, my mother’s house – and I’ve just woken up. I need to arise gently this morning; I’ve just returned from a whistle–stop visit to my brother and his family in Geneva and would like to find my bearings quietly on the sofa for a while. 

Sat, 12 Dec, 2015

We have a deal, but, so you know, I’m never using that toilet’

November, Tuesday, 5pm, and I am racing home from work. I have chipped knuckles and a bursting bladder.

Sat, 05 Dec, 2015

I creep into the bathroom. My secret will be safe in there

Late last night, when my husband was out, my son told me a secret. My son wants to tell my husband this secret himself tonight, at 9pm, so until then I must keep it to myself.

Sat, 28 Nov, 2015