Christmas gifts to make a holy show of yourself

LOOKING for the perfect seasonal gift to impress your parish priest, or convince your friends you have finally lost it?

Well, hallelujah, your search is over, thanks to strange new religious gifts available on the internet.

They include the Happy Birthday Jesus Tree Topper, a bearded doll to replace the traditional fairy at the top of the Christmas tree. According to its makers, it "lights up when plugged in and has nail prints in both hands".

Or how about The Brick Testament a holy trinity made up of Lego figures? You could always choose a nodding Virgin Mary doll and a mobile phone cover featuring a glowing crucifix. They top a list of bizarre religious gifts compiled by the satirical Christian website Ship of Fools.

The "12 Days of Kitschmas 2003" list also includes a Lord of the Kings jigsaw puzzle.

The items have been selected by Stephen Goddard, a former Church of England press officer, and Simon Jenkins, the Ship of Fools website editor, to highlight the absurdity of religious kitsch.

A surprisingly popular item is the Bobble Head Virgin Mary, an 8in statue that can stand on the parcel shelf of a car like a nodding dog. It can be ordered from its American manufacturers for just $18.95 (€17) and there's a nodding Jesus to go with it.

Even more bizarre are a $12 (€10) ashtray that features a picture of Christ with the legend "Jesus hates it when you smoke", and a $2.20 (€1.95) "frisbee of faith", with a Gospel parable stuck to its underside.

From a company in the Czech Republic comes a flying cathedral, a vast hot air balloon in the shape of a basilica.

Another American company even offers a Genesis soother for religious parents to give their infants instead of a Eucharist host so they can "plant a seed in them about Jesus."

Other bargains include a "Jesus Saves" model billboard designed to enhance your electric train set, and a 5in nail in a box that comes with a bleak poem about the crucifixion.