International man of mystery Bob Dylan could be coaxed in guise of a gig

The Nobel Prize for Literature requires the delivery of a lecture within six months of receiving it. Perhaps the organisers could book Bob Dylan for ‘the gig’ and kill two birds with one stone, writes Michael Clifford

WHY don’t they book him for a gig? The Nobel Academy will not have the honour of Bob Dylan’s presence on December 10 for the official ceremony to award him the academy’s prize for literature.

Mr Dylan has informed the academy that he can’t make the ceremony in Stockholm on the appointed date. He has “pre-existing commitments”.

It’s not like this was a bolt out of the blue. For two long weeks after he was announced as the winner in October, the academy couldn’t get in touch with him to convey the good news. The man himself was still on the road, headin’ for another joint, in his never-ending tour schedule, but he is believed to possess a mobile phone.

He first acknowledged the award in an interview with a British newspaper to publicise an exhibition of his art in London. It was as if he was being asked to respond to an editorial in The Avondhu newspaper proclaiming that “Bob Dylan sings good songs”. Sure, it was great altogether, who could knock it.

But would he make the ceremony, he was asked. “Absolutely,” he replied, “if it’s at all possible.” Now it turns out that it is not possible. He has something on.

Whatever could it be? While the self-styled song ‘n’ dance man apparently needs performance for oxygen, his website lists his last gig for the year on November 23. So his pre-existing commitment is not a concert in some far-flung outpost of the globe.

Perhaps one of his grandchildren has a birthday party on the same day. It may even be that he has earmarked December 10 as a night out for a few scoops in his local pub in Los Angeles. Or perhaps his “pre-existing commitment” is an appointment with his chiropodist at the end of another year on the road.

Typically of the man, however, he ain’t saying. For if there is one thing Dylan has thrived on throughout his career it is the mystery he likes to wrap around himself. Over the decades he has offered the minimum insight into his songs and his life. He spotted early on that if you can keep people guessing, they remain interested. His work speaks for itself, but he is also acutely aware that mystery adds to the attraction.

It’s highly unusual for a winner of the most prestigious award in literature not to turn up at the white tie ceremony in Stockholm. In the past, there have been a few no-shows, but each time the excuses proffered were perfectly reasonable. The English playwright Harold Pinter didn’t make it in 2005, but he was gravely ill and confined to a wheelchair. Bob is a sprightly 75, working for most of the year, even if he has a little arthritis. Ill health won’t cut it as a “pre-existing commitment”.

The year before Pinter’s no-show the Austrian novelist Elfriede Jelinek excused herself on the basis that he was “not suited as a person to be dragged into public”. Bob no longer plays stadiums, but he couldn’t claim that he’s unsuited to appearing before large groups of people.

And back in 1970, the writer and Soviet dissident Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn refused to travel from Russia on the basis that he mightn’t be let back into his own country. Nobody is suggesting that Donald Trump would move to have Dylan banished if he popped over to Stockholm for bed and breakfast.

But he ain’t going nowhere near the place. What remains to be seen is whether he will be awarded the prize. For while it’s not necessary to turn up on the day, what is required is the delivery of a lecture within six months of the announcement. Can anybody imagine Dylan mounting a lectern and launching into a conventional lecture that offers insight into his work or self?

Of course, there’s a solution if the good burghers of the academy would only apply themselves. Organise a two-in-one, Bob’s appearance at the ceremony and the delivery of a lecture in the way he knows best. Book him to do a gig on the night in question.

Propose a fee of €800,000 for the gig, which is the equivalent of the eight million Swedish Kronas which comes with the award. Tell him the venue is to be a small to middling sized venue somewhere in Europe. Bundle him onto a plane and get him back across the Atlantic.

Only when he walks out on stage will the penny drop that he’s been had, that the whole thing was a ruse to get him to turn up and accept a unique tribute for his contribution to the written word.