TERRACE TALK: Man United - Still a case of eyes wide shut for frustrated fans

AFTER Saturday’s fifth nil-nil in nine games, a disgruntled Red popped up on BBC Radio Five’s phone-in to grumble: “I was answering texts from the wife and reading work emails during the match at Old Trafford today. I have never done that before. Yes, I would rather do that than watch us.”

I sniggered in recognition of a historical precedent.

There used to be a bloke with unkept beard and wonky glasses who stood near my spot on the Stretford End right side and who would read a paperback during late-period Dave Sexton matches.

He would occasionally look up if the crowd noise alerted him to something decent happening.

No-one gave him any grief: I think everyone recognised it was fully justifiable behaviour.

I fancy he must have had time to get through all the volumes of Proust’s A La Recherche during 1980/81.

To be fair to Van Gaal’s trudgers, the last 20 minutes were worth raising one’s eyes for, as United finally did something we’ve not seen for weeks: create a series of chances, however desperately cobbled together.

Though the on-target stats don’t look good in print, a handful were close enough even to warrant a clap or two.

Instead, a chorus of boos rang out as they sloped off the pitch; older heads in the stands looked at each other and nodded.

They know what a turning crowd sounds like.

LVG had said on the eve of the match that he would know when to quit — if he ever lost the dressing room. (Which will have prompted some to reply: “Let’s hide it, then.”) But what about losing the fans?

As I write, a poll running on Red Issue’s website is currently showing 65% of punters want LVG gone a.s.a.p.

That’s quite a shift from just two months ago, and comes before we have found out whether we’ll be making the Champions League knock-out stages. One dreads to think how opinion might move should we fail in Germany.

Yet all the Sunday papers are full of ringing declarations from ‘OT sources’ (ie Ed Woodward’s Christmas drinks party on Friday) about the board brimming with confidence in LVG — Ed privately claims he’s had no fan emails attacking LVG — and how they’re going to lavish him with galactico-level spending money next summer.

As though any self-respecting galactico would be interested in joining this joyless dispirited rabble any time soon.

And they’ll know that’s the camp mood, not least because stories about United players’ sagging morale have even started surfacing in the UK prints. Besides, we can all see that certain players are quite visibly wilting under the current regime’s strictures.

Mata, who has created more than twice as many chances as any other Red this season, is starting to look as unhappy as the gossips claim; Martial is all but unrecognisable to autumn’s fearless livewire. (Someone joked on Twitter, when Martial was scoring and entertaining, that it was because he couldn’t understand the instructions. Now one wonders whether it was a joke.)

And then there’s Wayne. Rooney was supposedly injured on Saturday, although some weren’t convinced, in light of the stories circulating around town about other distractions.

One national newspaper journalist who dared hint as much on Saturday morning was banned from Old Trafford within hours.

It tells you something about the state of Rooney’s rep in the stands that there was cheering in some quarters when it was revealed he would be out for two games, rather than just one.

All the above must now be put aside and out of mind, however, because we are invading Germany tomorrow, for which unity and determination are always required.

No-one thought, when the ‘easy’ group draw was made, that we could ever have ended up in this precarious position.

But here we are, and on such nights do seasons — and even careers — turn.

The dark thought lingers, though: do you really want LVG to save himself?