TERRACE TALK: Already preparing for life after Suarez

When he’s not biting or diving, you’re worrying about what we’d be like without him.

Even when he does something so sublime, so perfect he almost makes himself cry, you’re calculating the pay-off on the Bale-Real Scale.

Imagine working it out on the Carroll-Liverpool Scale; does Sheikh Mansour even have that much money? Then you start gnawing your fingers till you see bone, worrying how badly Liverpool will spend it. Will this agony never end? The crescendo for each goal grew louder, but after everyone settled back in their seat came the immediate passion killer, the cerebral cold shower; he’s too good for us, isn’t he? A Norwich fan would need to be Gandhi and Jesus combined not to be taking this personally now. I recall Robbie used to like facing Villa as Rushie did with Everton, but this has turned into personal vendetta.