TV view: How good would they be if only they listened to the coaches? Eeek

'We did nothing the coaching staff told us to do. We did the opposite. We made it hard on ourselves,' Johnny Sexton said post-match. 

“We did nothing the coaching staff told us to do. We did the opposite. We made it hard on ourselves.” Direct quote from Johnny Sexton at the final whistle.

If you’d known beforehand that he’d be saying this you’d have feared the worst, wouldn’t you? Eeeek.

SIX NATIONS RUGBY CHAMPIONSHIP 2023

Your home for the latest news, views and analysis of this year's Six Nations Championship from our award winning sports team.

SIX NATIONS RUGBY CHAMPIONSHIP 2023

Your home for the latest news, views and analysis of this year's Six Nations Championship from our award winning sports team.

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Come to think of it, you might have come across the Late Late Show the previous night, seen Ryan Tubridy prattling with a group of distinguished guests about Ireland’s inevitable coronation in the coming days, concluded that this was tempting fate and, yes, feared the worst. Eeeek again.

But this is 2023, and this is Andy Farrell’s Ireland, and Andy Farrell’s Ireland are so good they can ignore their coaches, and survive Tubridy’s ever-valiant attempts to show he knows something about sport, and win the Grand Slam with something to spare. No eeeeks about it.

The best team in the world, the best team in Europe and on Saturday night the better team in Dublin 4. For a long way they looked anything but good, mind. That in turn was what made for absorbing viewing.

Shane Horgan put it as plainly as he or anyone else could have on Virgin Media prior to kickoff. “If Ireland play to their best and England play to their best, Ireland will win.” 

Quite, the caveat being that on the biggest occasions it’s rare for one team, never mind both, to put their best foot forward. For anyone bar vintage All Blacks or Brazil 1970 the task entails doing the simple thing well, avoiding errors and getting the job done.

For the opening quarter the hosts do not do the simple thing well or avoid errors, Dan Sheehan’s lineout overthrow an emblem of the nerves affecting them. The junior Farrell has England 6-0 up after 15 minutes and no complaints. Well, did any Irish person of sound mind expect anything other than a backlash following the French fiasco? A week can be a long time in rugby.

“Ireland can’t find their flow,” Alan Quinlan declares. 

“They’re not being allowed to. England are fighting for their lives. They’re playing like they’re fighting for their lives. What happened at the hands of France could be the worst possible thing to happen to Ireland.” It is clenched, clotted rugby, of more appeal to the connoisseur than the layman (“a match for the connoisseur” is ever a synonym for “boring”), but approaching the interval Ireland blow matters open when Sheehan, a sprinter disguised as a prop, dashes over the line like Carl Lewis bursting out of the blocks. The favourites lead at last.

Sometimes a spirit of enterprise can bring unexpected rewards. With the clock in the red Ireland, instead of waiting for time to trickle out, stay focused and stay forward. The upshot is a red card for Freddie Steward after an elbow on Hugo Keenan.

The pitchside pundits will be split at half-time; Horgan claims Steward was bang to rights and had a duty of care to Keenan, Rob Kearney and Matt Williams feel he’s been hard done by. The bottom line remains the bottom line nonetheless. England will play the second half with 14.

The knowledge he faces execution in the morning tends to concentrate a man’s mind. One short or not, England dominate for a quarter of an hour on the resumption. Why not? They’ve nothing to fear and nothing to lose.

It is the stuff of a sports psychology thesis. Even the best teams – and Farrell’s Ireland are unquestionably one of these – can fall victim to the pressures the bright lights bring. Afraid to lose? Being afraid to win is a much more enervating mindset. The numerical advantage compounds the situation.

The third quarter is a litany of fumbles, poor handling, minor mishaps and fuzzy decision making. Constipated rugby of a high order.

A thought occurs. Having one of their own lads sent off might not be the worst fate to befall the wearers of the green right now. Were Micheál O’Hehir still around he’d surely deem the proceedings to be in need of “a good schemozzle”.

Ten minutes into the new half Owen Farrell makes it a one-point game. “A real air of trepidation creeps around the Aviva,” Dave McIntyre announces.

Another thing about the very best teams, however, is that they are by definition problem solvers. In the 61st minute Robbie Henshaw touches down. And… breathe. Whew.

In one bound Ireland are free. Free of nerves, free of overthinking, free of constipation. Some earnest student of sports psychology is already writing the intro to his thesis  The Try as Laxative. Dave feels sufficiently emboldened to exhale and poll his co-comms guys as to their pulse rate. 

“It was very stressful for ten minutes there,” Andrew Trimble admits.

Thankfully that is more or less that. The balloon has been pricked and the tension released. Ireland add two tries as England finish two men down. Johnny Sexton walks off into the sunset as Grand Slam winning captain, Six Nations record scorer, the works.

All questions answered bar one. How good would he and the rest of them be if only they listened to their coaches? Eeeek.