Masters Don’ts: 10 things that won’t wash at Augusta

Listen to Big Ron if you don't want to embarrass yourself in Georgia.

1. Tweeting: See how many retweets you can get before you’re thrown out the gates. Ian Poulter and Graeme McDowell have been reprimanded in the past for posting photos from the course online. All electronic devices are prohibited on the grounds. In fact, the camera drones favoured by some broadcasters aren’t permitted either.

2. Running: Pegging it along the course paths first thing in the morning to get a prime vantage point at 16 or 18 isn’t acceptable here. Running is strictly banned. Speedwalking is fine, but the marshalls are stricter than anything Rob Heffernan will encounter.

3. Relaxing: Don’t get too chilled though. No taking off your shoes, for example. And no beverage coolers. And don’t even consider lying on the grass, which is a major no-no. Slouching isn’t ideal either. Patrons spotted leaning back insouciantly on some of the hillside vantage points are regularly warned by officials to adjust their posture.

4. Enthusiasm: We must remember at all times that these people in attendance are not fans. Or even supporters. They are patrons and they must act accordingly. No shouting, yahooing, or general acting the eejit. And there’s no need to get too excited when you get up close and personal with one of the players. You certainly mustn’t ask for an autograph.

5. Begging: The rules don’t explicitly forbid it, but we can take it for granted that throwing down a hat and pitching for a few bob won’t be appreciated. In fact, soliciting in all its forms is unwelcome here. After all, you may not even apply to become a member of this august institution. Invitation only.

6. Wearing sensible clothes: At least if you’re a player’s caddy. Those compulsory white jumpsuits looked better on Elvis. There are a few saving graces with the dress code: wearing your baseball cap back-to-front is rightly barred. Ricky Fowler was once advised to turn his round during a press conference. No keeping your green jacket either - it must be returned after a year.

7. Opportunism: See someone vacate their greenside seat and feel like taking their place? Worth a try, perhaps, but if they do come back and complain, you may find yourself escorted to the exits.

8. Tipping: This vulgar practice is discouraged on the course but guests are always advised to pay a caddy “what you think he was worth”, which usually shames them into a solid fee.

9. Independence: You are not, while on Augusta grounds, to be considered a grown adult responsible for your own actions. If you are here on the graces of a member, they must physically accompany you around the course at all times, so they can vouch for your behaviour. And if you’re there with one of those lads who faced the car for home and plans to get out early, tough luck; you’re out too.

10. Using unsanctioned terminology: There are no “sand traps” at Augusta, just bunkers. And interestingly, Augusta chiefs have taken the Big Ron Atkinson numerical approach to course identification. Just as Ron liked to talk about the first and second posts rather than near and far, or back and front; they don’t like to hear you say “back nine” or “front nine” in this neck of the woods. It’s “first nine” and “second nine” to you.