Ice in their veins
We're talking seriously spoilt sportsmen here.
So imagine how some of the world's most indulged athletes would react to an entry in the annual Drambuie world ice golf championship, where the venue is a small island called Uummannaq, off Greenland's north-west coast, 600 kilometres north of the Arctic Circle, the course is cut from a glacier, the greens are white and polar winds sink to temperatures as low as 50 degrees below zero.
When a difficult decision is which outfit to wear for the final round, how would a Ryder Cup star prepare for a round where the hazards include seal holes, frostbite and the occasional polar bear?
Not surprisingly, there will be no veteran's of last year's Battle of the Belfry among the 35 entrants taking the helicopter from Kangerlussuaq to Uummannaq today, the final leg of a journey which saw them leave behind the civilised luxury of the Danish capital Copenhagen earlier this week and head for the world's largest island and one of the globe's most improbable sporting events.
From the windows of their 'copters, Uummannaq's lifeline to the outside world, they will see a landscape formed by ice, tiny coloured spots on the white blanket beneath the only sign of man's presence.
It was here that Arne Neimann, a local resident and hotel proprietor, had the notion to build Greenland's first golf course. In 1997 he challenged architect Rolf-Henning Jensen to design it, although the ocean has the biggest say every year, interacting with the weather and the formation of icebergs in the two months prior to the event. The way they position themselves in the fjord determines the shape of the course.
Once the course was established, the Uummannaq Ice Golf Committee met to establish a tournament. Two years later, whisky liqueur brand Drambuie came on board as a sponsor and the World Ice Golf Championship was born.
Remarkably, this year's two-day championship, which begins on Saturday, attracted over 3,000 applicants, who qualified by having a handicap of up to 18. "I wondered how many other lunatics filled out that form," said Dave Jackson, one of the 'lucky' ones who were accepted.
The 45-year-old self-confessed golf nut and six handicapper had filled out his form from the comfort of his Fort Lauderdale dental practice as he flicked through the pages of an outdoor adventure magazine between patients.
He promptly "completely forgot about it," only to experience a rude awakening when the invitation to compete dropped into his mailbox.
Despite his 15-year-old daughter screaming: "Dad, you're out of your mind!" Jackson didn't think twice about accepting. "Anything that involves a golf club and hitting a ball, I'll pretty much play it anywhere," he said. "I guess this is my 15 minutes of bizarre fame."
His fellow members at Fort Lauderdale Country Club have observed his preparations at first hand, having seen Jackson on their driving range, hitting balls while wearing heavy, 18-inch hunting boots. The first time that happened, another member approached and said gently: "Umm ... something wrong with you?"
Undeterred, the dentist is taking the championships seriously, and is determined to translate his skills to ice. "I've been practicing a punch shot, just to keep it online," Jackson said, and he has even played a round with last year's champion, Roger Beames.
The 28-year-old Scotsman was a lowly member of the European Challenge Tour in 2001 and 2002, finishing last year with a rank of 180 and earnings of €2,328. Beames rates his detour to Greenland, then, as a golfing high point, saying: "It's not your usual round of golf that's for sure, but it's probably the most amazing one! I cannot even begin to tell you what an incredible event it was."
Beames won last year's tournament by becoming the first player to shoot par on the nine-hole course, beating American pro Jack O'Keefe by a stroke. He had been two strokes down in the third round before hitting two eagles and very nearly making the tournament's first hole-in-one.
"I knew I might have been in with a chance, but never expected to win," he added. "There were some serious golfers out there. Jack played so solidly throughout the tournament, and it was all down to the last hole that decided the winner it was nail-biting stuff."
Just being in Uummannaq would be nail-biting stuff for most people, let alone playing golf. Freezing glaciers and huge icebergs frame the course and continue to move slowly all year round so the layout cannot be cut until a matter of days before the event. The course is a nine-hole par 35 or 36, with the distances a little shorter than a normal golf course as the ball reacts differently in the extreme cold.
The conditions can be very different from hole to hole with a lot more snow possible on one side of an iceberg than the other while the surface itself is rough and uneven due to the one or two centimetres of frozen powder which lies beneath the hard ice surface.
Playing on the snowmobile-groomed fairways in temperatures with a wind-chill factor as low as minus 50 degrees celsius ensures the challenge is mental as well as physical.
Yet, despite the extreme nature of the course and conditions, special rules are kept to a minimum. Tees are ice-cube-sized mounds of snow while on the greens, or whites as they are known in Uummannaq, the ball is putted toward a cup twice the size of a regular hole. Oh, and the balls, sensibly enough, are orange.
For someone from Florida like Jackson, or even Scotsman Beames, the conditions could be a shock to the system. But Danish golfer Annika Östberg, who won the event in 2000 and 2001 has some valuable advice.
"A little preparation is needed," Östberg admitted. "It's sometimes very cold in Uummannaq and therefore absolutely necessary to have warm clothes. Instead of wearing one very warm jacket however, it's much better to wear several layers of clothes so that it is easier to swing and you can adjust how many layers of clothes you need at the beginning and then towards the end of the round.
"It's also a good idea to practice using winter golf gloves, which is definitely a necessity when playing in Greenland. On your feet you need some warm boots golf shoes are not a good idea! And don't forget some good sunglasses for the bright sun.
"The whites are very hard and it is important to decide whether the ball should be chipped or rolled into the white. The play has more to do with normal golf than I expected.
"Playing golf on ice is not easy and the ball will make some crazy things but be patient and enjoy! A good sense of humour will always get you far."
Last year's runner-up O'Keefe is one of many who add another obstacle to success, the awe-inspiring beauty of the surroundings to this championship.
"The cold doesn't matter so much," O'Keefe said, "when there is so much to wonder at. It feels surreal, a little like a film set, or maybe the surface of the moon. The surroundings reminded me of the final scene in the Superman movie where Clark flies back to Krypton."
Indeed, the testimonials are numerous. Tom Ferrell, another American competitor, adds: "Ice golf is all about survival. It's about handling the elements, sharing the adventure with new friends and learning that the game of golf can take you places you never imagined.
"Greenland alone is worth the trip, a spectacular setting. It's the adventure of a lifetime and when people trot out their golf stories, I'll always have one to tell."
Still feeling comfortable under that duvet?
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