Chelsea mentality the kind of logic we Reds enjoy

WITH the typical charmlessness we have come to expect from the Blue bums, Chelsea’s website on Saturday announced John Terry’s return thus: “not since Napoleon’s return in 1815 has a comeback been as eagerly awaited as this.”

Blimey. Yes, it sure put Paris suffering the Nazi occupation for four years awaiting De Gaulle in its place.

Typical of Chelsea’s Year Zero mindset too, in its lack of historical knowledge: the rest of us all know what happened to Napoleon 100 days after his return. And what awaits Chelsea 100 days from Saturday? The crunch clash with Arsenal which, if results continue to go as par until then, will be the day Chelsea lose their title to United.

That’s the kind of Waterloo we like! Anyway, never mind John ‘Jesus’ Terry: surely he was thoroughly outshone last weekend by the ample figure of John O’Pie, whose comic turn in goal for United capped an increasingly carefree and jubilant afternoon.

At last a use for O’Shea! Some months ago, Red Issue’s website had a running competition “100 uses for an O’Pie”, predicated on the assumption that he was clearly no use as a footballer.

I think the winning suggestion, beating ‘Michelin model’, was ‘draught excluder’. Which, I guess, was the role he fulfilled on Sunday, laying squatly across the backdoor with suet-like efficiency. Kudos to you, John!

Earlier that morning, Ryan Giggs had told the Sunday Times that we were substandard much of last season because “for a long time we had me and O’Shea in midfield, which wasn’t good enough.” Arf!

Out of the mouths of babes and Fledglings indeed. Of course now we have Scholes and Carrick in there, the former being a candidate for our player of the season, whilst the latter continues to be praised to the skies by Fergie, rather too much in my opinion. Apparently Carrick’s performance at Arsenal the other week is already going down in Fergie’s personal history book as one of the legendary displays of the season, which at least shows that Ferg’s talent for excessively embellishing the past to suit his own agenda remains undimmed by his pensionable age.

So who should get the credit for Sunday, then? Well, clearly Ronaldo has the prime claim for his breakthrough dive. He is the player who has most thrilled me all season and I will be gutted if he leaves but it diminishes us all if we Reds don’t agree that his intervention there was cheating, pure and simple. Ironically, in recent weeks we have read both Fergie and Rooney going on about how United don’t do that kind of thing and how all the pesky foreigners are to blame for importing diving — and I guess they were half-right there.

I doubt anyone at the Club will dare say anything to Ronnie about it, petrified as we all are lest we do anything to drive him further into Madrid’s arms.

At least two papers here ran tales over the weekend that Mourinho has indicated he will go to Madrid if they can capture Ronaldo.

Still, never fear eh? We have the mighty Owen Hargreaves to spend the money on if and when we crumble and sell Ronnie. I suppose we should pray that the notorious shifty dissembler Mendes was telling the truth when he said on Saturday that his priority is simply to renegotiate Ronnie’s United contract. Trouble is, I don’t believe in God.

*Richard Kurt is author of ‘The Red Army Years’.