Has the Premier League lost its grip on Irish culture?

In an unprecedented development, it has been widely accepted the Premier League has returned at roughly the correct time. Ordinarily, this weekend brings widespread resistance from complainants grousing at life’s natural rhythms.

“Don’t tell me it’s back already,” goes the historic rallying call from the kind of people who scoff that the pubs will be full of lads “roaring at Stoke v Bolton”, knowing full well that neither Stoke or Bolton are in the Premier League, but aware that no pair of unglamorous teams will ever fit this complaint as suitably.