From choppers to stoppers - the evolution of football talk

A sore, itchy eye sent me into the local chemist this week to find out what ailed me, determine the nefarious nature of the exotic ‘itis’ which was doubtless at work and — no need to break it to me gently, madam, I can take it — find out how long I had left to live.

Turned out it was just a ‘sty’, a word I hadn’t heard in years and, frankly, a thing I thought had gone the way of Wanderly Wagon and Green Shield stamps.

When I was young and easy under the apple boughs, a sty — or ‘shty’ to give its proper pronunciation — would have been a close relative of a ‘blast’ (or ‘blasht’) which, as I recall, used to be the catch-all term for anything causing redness of the eyeball, not excluding copious quantities of porter.