An alternative history of Ireland at the Euros

Mark Twain once beautifully defined an expert as “some guy from outta town”. That being so, the guys and gals whose heads are entirely off the planet must be the greatest experts of them all.

I’m thinking of those cosmologists, particle physicists, and quantum theorists who propose the mind-boggling multiverse theory of life which, if I understand it correctly — and, obviously, being a lowly football hack, I don’t — holds that there is an infinite number of parallel universes in which everything which possibly could happen to each and every one of us, does.

So, according to this theory, Robbie Brady didn’t head the ball into the Italian net in Lille and send the entire nation joyfully doolally. Instead, in another world far, far away — or, alternatively, very, very close but we just can’t see it — Robbie makes his run, yes, and Wes floats in his beautiful cross, yes, but then, sensing the danger, Italian keeper Salvatore Sirigu comes and collects the ball cleanly, cradling it to his chest as he drops to his knees and runs down the clock down for a minute or two more before hoofing the ball up the pitch. Five minutes later, the referee stretches his arms in front of him and blows his whistle.