Please excuse this excuse for a column

Trap must go! / Trap must stay! / We’re all off to Rio! / We’re all going to hell in a handcart!

As the quick-witted among you might have deduced, this column was written before last night’s Ireland-Faroes game which is why I’ve broken new ground in journalism this morning by offering you a handy multiple-choice intro. Simply select the one which best suits the nation’s mood and dilute to taste.

That’s my excuse, at any rate, and at least I’m getting it in first — unlike all those football folk who are only ever wise after the event, the event in question usually being something deeply unpleasant from the whinger’s perspective, like an open goal missed, a hiding suffered or — an especial favourite — a refereeing decision which went the other shower’s way and totally changed the course of the match, Brian.