Bored by gazing at football’s navel

You don’t spend many hours in front of American TV shows without picking up one or two invaluable life skills; notably the ability to stage, when a suitable crisis point dawns, an intervention.

So, here goes. I have stood idly by long enough as our forlorn friend slouches glumly in front of a mirror, forever agitated by what it sees. Craving a nip here or a tuck there. Bending its back not to draw the free but to gaze again at its navel.

Dear, insecure Gaelic football, with your chronic self-esteem issues; it’s time we gathered your loved ones round to talk this out once and for all.