Birthday bash not in script

ALEX FERGUSON’S 70th birthday at Old Trafford appeared to have been stage-managed like a North Korean state event.

To mark the occasion Ferguson had recorded an interview in which he declared he would stay at Old Trafford for three more years, the kind of announcement no other manager could dare to make. Before kick-off, a choir sang “Happy Birthday” to the king, and the bench was packed with young talents who would come on in the second half to give the world a glimpse of the imperial future under Ferguson Augustus.

Blackburn were meant to provide strictly ceremonial opposition, but after the expected one-sided opening, Berbatov’s mistake let Yakubu score from the spot. An ecclesiastical hush descended over the stadium as Manchester United choked.