How it feels to know that you are no longer alone
I also helped birth mothers on this side to try and find their adult offspring. It was an emotional minefield. The amount of hurt that I encountered in the adoption triangle (adoptee, birth parents, adoptive parents) was immeasurable. I didn't get off too lightly either. Looking back, and having talked to many affected by the adoption process, I am not as opposed to adoption as I was back then.
In an ideal world, children should be brought up within their own family structures. If this is not possible, those who are adopted should be kept within their own borders and culture as much as possible.
As is well known, a lot of countries, sadly, have children in orphanages of one sort or another. Their futures are bleak. Close friends of mine have one such child and there is no doubt that their fabulous son benefited from coming to Ireland. They benefited, too.
My thoughts are best summed up by Margaret in the USA. I helped her to make contact with her birth family. I used to believe that all of us being adopted and sent off to America - the supposed great land of plenty - was the best thing for us.
I guess we were programmed to believe that, making it all the more palatable, but I am not so sure now, having met my birth family, that it was the best thing for any of us to be separated.
I can only imagine, had I been able to meet my birth mother, how much stronger my feelings would be about this issue. I don't know how anybody can be made whole again, either child or mother, after spending that amount of time together, and then a complete and total separation. It is like a big piece of your soul is gone and only reuniting again will ever bring it back.
There is a sense of 'aloneness' - not loneliness - a feeling that we ourselves are all we really have. It's a sense of 'apartness.' Having met my birth family, and seen where my mother lived and died, has made me feel like I am truly a part of something. I don't think I have experienced anything more emotional than seeing a picture of her for the first time and feeling that I was looking into a mirror - knowing for the first time that I actually look like another person.
Adoption is a complicated social structure. If the best interests of children are always at the forefront of any debate, I am more inclined to listen.
James Jackman
16 Park Drive Court
Castleknock
Dublin 15
