Line them up for the political transfer market
A pertinent question here is whether the footballer's form of contract should be adopted for those paid from the public purse, particularly when matters of national interest are at stake.
Would it not be desirable to trade some of our contemporary leaders, whose particular skills and abilities have, like Beckham's, become surplus to requirements and who, through their sale, might help replenish the nation's coffers?
As this government still has four years of its contract to run and we have no means of removing it despite its growing unpopularity, the transfer option appears attractive.
The export of some old stagers from the political scene would allow new talent and ideas to emerge, hopefully put an end to the waffle, and facilitate solutions to problems rather than wasting time and money trying to avoid blame for past mistakes.
While the exposure of Irish politicians to the realities of political life in countries never fully colonised might prove traumatic, they might benefit from exposure to independent thought and the concept of nation-shaping. We could also trade some of our more esoteric services such as the equality and human rights agencies and zealots of political correctness. Indeed, if any of these would agree to transfer to the Third World, where their sensitivities, standards and skills might find more fitting challenges, we should grant them a free transfer.
Admittedly, many of our own political stars would be of limited interest to international buyers. While Eamon Ó Cuiv might be attractive to cultural interests in the old Celtic lands along the Rhine and Danube, or even further east, it is difficult to see Seamus Brennan's tunnel and roundabout achievements commanding a premium fee. And even Charlie McCreevy might find it hard to draw a buyer horse or camel racing societies apart now that he has succeeded in re-caging the Celtic Tiger.
While it is painfully evident that we lack couples with the undoubted flair of Posh and Becks who appeal so readily to the younger set, we should recall that politics is a mature sport relating more to the older punter. With Hillary and Bill gone from the White House and the gloss wearing thin on Cherie and Tony, this could be the golden moment to launch Celia and Berts on to the world stage, despite recent reports of tensions in the camp.
Unless I misread a recent statement, Berts would welcome the challenge of running either the Japanese or US economies, so these might be the countries to focus on.
Given his tendency to obfuscate in matters lingual, however, I fear that he might find the task of communicating with the Japanese electorate a tad daunting. For this reason, and given his supporting role during the Iraq war, America might be the better option.
The recovery of the dollar would, of course, make such a sale even more attractive to the Irish taxpayer.
Liam Ó Géibheannaigh,
Áth an Ghainimh,
Co Átha Cliath.
