DRCC consent ad had a very important point, and it's been lost in all the noise

If my son understands that no means no for him and that is always respected, then he will understand consent when he is told no later in life, writes Ciara Ní Bhroin 

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre had an important message in that ad and they’ve opened up a very important conversation; a conversation we all need to be having with our children in age-appropriate ways.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre's ad had a point. A very important point that got lost in all the noise.

The message had nothing to do with grandparents and definitely had nothing to do with portraying grandparents as harmful to children. The message is about listening to children. If they don’t want a hug then they are well within their right to say no and that no should be respected.

Would the reaction to the ad have been as strong if it was aunty and uncle looking for hugs and kisses, or a neighbour?

Myself and my husband have been teaching our son from a very young age that he doesn’t have to hug if he doesn’t want to. It’s the beginning of teaching him that no means no. 

Because if he is comfortable saying no to people close to him then that will make it easier for him to say no when he is in uncomfortable or unwanted situations. This is basic stuff when it comes to teaching our children that they are in charge of their bodies. 

And this is backed up by child psychologists. As Caitlin Slavens and Chelsea Bodie of the Mama Psychologists in Canada frequently point out, we should be educating our children in an age appropriate way about consent.

We should also be teaching them that they are in charge of their body and only they get a say about their body and that they are allowed to say no. Most child exploitation cases involve an adult known to the child. This is why it’s important that children can say no to all adults.

Teaching about bodily autonomy and consent needs to and should start at a young age. A child should always have the right to say who gets to hug them and kiss them.

If my son understands that no means no for him and that is always respected, then he will understand consent later in life when he too is told no.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre had an important message in that ad and they’ve opened up a very important conversation; a conversation we all need to be having with our children in age-appropriate ways. 

The ad wasn’t about teaching children not to hug their grandparents. It was making the point that if a child doesn’t want to hug someone they shouldn’t have to. And that message unfortunately got lost in all the noise and backlash.

The representation of the uncomfortable teenager in that ad was to show that sometimes children aren’t comfortable and that that should be respected. They have a right to feel whatever they are feeling and we as adults need to learn to respect that.

But we’re not very good at listening to children or young people in this country. We should be listening to our children. 

We should be respecting our children’s wishes. Because if we don’t, we are teaching them that their feelings don’t matter, that no one listened to them when they said no. It teaches them that they must always do what an adult wants. That is the wrong message to be sending to children.

The Dublin Rape Crisis Centre's ad was making the point that if a child doesn’t want to hug someone they shouldn’t have to.

It was also interesting to note where some of the backlash came from or was perhaps incited from. As pointed out by Aidan O’Brien of European Digital Media Observatory Ireland (a hub of the European Digital Media Observatory) on Bluesky yesterday one of the videos was initially posted by far right news site Europa.com and it had four million views. 

Polymarket, a major crypto-betting platform which is not currently regulated to operate in Ireland, also posted about it on Tuesday.

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And then the minister for justice Jim O’Callaghan gets involved — on X, a platform that has been widely criticised, including by his own Government, for hosting child sex abuse material. Result? The ads are pulled. 

The Social Democrat TD Gary Gannon, in a post on Instagram, yesterday said it made him "deeply uncomfortable" that the minister for justice's X post had caused an online "pile on" of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. 

Posts on X show users seeking the personal information of staff at the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre and its partner organisations in the WeConsent campaign.

In what world is teaching children about consent wrong? In what world is teaching children that they have a right to feel uncomfortable and to say no wrong? Really minister, are these the issues you need to be or should be getting involved in?

Justice minister Jim O'Callaghan also got involved in criticising the ad.

What about the woman who was cross-examined in court by the man she accused of threatening to rape and kill her because he had no representation due to the legal aid crisis? Doesn’t that deserve as much of a strong reaction as you gave to an ad about teaching children about consent? 

Surely you can see the importance of children having a voice and being able to use that voice — and surely, you have more to be getting on with.

• Ciara Ní Bhroin is a journalist, life coach for women and host of The Empowered Woman podcast.