Cormac O’Keeffe: 'Forever' grief requires State support for life

Trauma and grief caused by domestic homicides are for life, according to a new study — and support for the bereaved should too be for life, writes Cormac O'Keeffe

The new study documents both the understandable devastation for those left behind but also the less known and dispiriting tasks they are expected to shoulder as well.

THE grief and trauma are “forever”. That much is clear from the study of domestic murders. The report, commissioned by the Government, also examines familicide, a subset of domestic murders where a spouse murders not only his or her partner or ex-partner but also one or more of their children.

Families of victims told researchers that once the initial emergency response has been deployed they then “must cope alone”.

One of the bereaved, Pauline, said: “We needed somebody that day to come to the house. We needed somebody. On the day. Because you need someone to think for you.”

The report, ‘Study on Familicide and Domestic and Family Violence Death Reviews’, documents in exhaustive detail both the understandable devastation for those left behind but also the less known and dispiriting tasks they are expected to shoulder as well.

One task was arranging, and paying for, professionals to “clean” the crime scene — which, the report said, should no longer be something families need to do.

Families may also face the ordeal that the couple’s home is tied to the perpetrator.

Those assuming care of surviving children may have to give up work and may have to take on financial debts.

The bereaved may have to apply for payments that are means-tested. They may even have to inform State agencies of the deaths, including for child benefit and death certificates.

“Participants in this study have reported the pain of waiting in a public office for a death certificate alongside someone waiting for a birth certificate,” said the report.

All the while, the world of those directly affected has been turned on its head.

“As the devastating reality of the death is replayed over and over in the minds of the family it also appears in the headlines of the news,” said the report.

“Once declared criminal, the public and media demand a spotlighted re-enactment of the dying that in, some cases, becomes voyeuristic.”

'Trapped in trauma'

Families can become “trapped in the trauma of their lives”, a trauma that can pass down the generations.

Relationships within families can be “ruptured”, said the study, which was led by solicitor Maura Butler.

“Families may experience severe distress in response to one or more members’ traumatic experience, or the entire family may be directly affected by mass trauma which may lead to disruption of family functioning including communication and parenting.”

Some survivors told of help and counselling they received from voluntary groups, such as Support After Homicide and AdVIC.

Other bereaved did not get help. One family member, Steven, said: “Nobody, myself or any of [victim’s] family received any support. That is a fact. I mean nobody received any support. Nobody came and offered.”

Another family member, Pauline, said: “You don’t get any support unless you go look for it and you don’t know which road to go.”

The report details how gruelling inquests are for families.

One bereaved family member, Fiona, said: “It was deeply disturbing to sit and listen to the post-mortem report being read out in court. We as a family heard for the first time the details of the injuries that had been inflicted on [victims].

“I do not believe that the family should hear this for the first time along with the general public and the media in a court room.”

Pauline, another family member, said: “The way they give the details of the injuries to the children — is that necessary… for the other children that were traumatized? It is very wrong.”

Another participant in the research, Valerie, said the inquest just focused on the morning of the event and said it should examine the mental health of the perpetrator.

Parole is another nightmare for families, found the report.

Some family members of survivors described how they are living in fear, knowing that the perpetrator will someday be released back into the community.” 

Bereaved member Anna said: “Every time you get a letter saying there’s an imminent Parole Board it could be on the birthday or the anniversary…[it’s] re-traumatising, opening an old wound.”

She said she had asked for the victim’s photograph to be included in the Parole Board’s file.

“What they said was that they wouldn’t allow it,” she said. “I want every member of the Parole Board to see her face when she was alive.”

One woman, Jill, told researchers she was scared to make a written submission to the Parole Board knowing her ex-partner would receive a copy, as per legal entitlements.

“She felt that making it would inevitably increase the risk of receiving further threats and attempts on her life,” said the report.

The impact didn’t end there: “During the attempted domestic homicide, Jill’s mother was also victimized. Though invited to make submissions to the Parole Board, the woman’s mother declined as she was too afraid of retaliation.”

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a reality for many and includes vivid intrusive memories, flashbacks or nightmares, strong or overwhelming emotions, strong physical sensations, and heightened alert.

“Such emotional experiences were reported in interviews and submissions,” said the report.

Individuals explained how hearing a particular piece of music can remind them of where they were when they heard of the event. Other triggers include birthdays, anniversaries and events like First Communion and Confirmation ceremonies.

“Interviewees described being ‘re-traumatised’ by subsequent events, for example, media reports, court appearances, inquests and Parole Board hearings.”

The report said another response was avoidance — avoidance of thoughts, memories of events, activities or situations or people that reminded them of events.

“People can therefore spend the remainder of their lives avoiding places that were previously important to them,” it said. “Thus, their worlds become smaller.”

One study on the impact on children who witness domestic homicides or who escape familicide found that “all children easily met the criteria” for PTSD.

Another condition is prolonged grief disorder (PGD), estimated to affect between 30% and 70% of those grieving a violent death.

“It is linked to physical health problems including heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer, suicidality, substance abuse, depression, anxiety and overall life disruption,” said the report.

'Forever grief’

It said PGD has been described as ‘the forever grief’.

One bereaved, Anna, said: “They don’t seem to realise what the impact of what ‘forever’ means. You know it’s not when the court case is over and it’s not when they’re released or rehabilitated. It’s forever. Until we die, you know. Until the last person speaks her name.”

The report is a massive document, at almost 490 pages, and contains a whole raft of recommendations across a wide range of areas.

Included in that is provision of free, accessible psychological support, support that is not limited by time or to a set number of sessions.

Safe Ireland, which works with survivors of domestic homicide/familicide, told the report: “There should be almost the equivalent of a medical card for trauma for support for life for them. They shouldn’t have to ask for anything.”

Another group, Sentencing and Victim Equality (Save), told researchers that an equivalent amount of funding that is spent on perpetrators every year in Ireland should be provided for victims and their families.

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This mammoth report published by the Department of Justice is just the latest in a series of major documents published by both it and the Department of Health in the areas of criminal justice and mental health — all of which demand extensive policy changes and funding commitments.

As with all those reports, eyes will be on implementation.

- If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please click here for a list of support services.