'Kate is my daughter — but the State still does not recognise me as her mammy'

Suzanne Grennan is one of the surrogate parents hoping to see progress on the Assisted Human Reproduction Bill in the Dáil next week 

'All we are asking for is that our diverse families have the same rights as yours, that we will finally exist in the eyes of the Irish State.' Stock picture: iStock

My family is small. Just me and my daughter Kate. She is seven, soon to be eight. When people first meet us, they presume Kate’s dad is Indian. He is Irish. Kate was born through surrogacy in Mumbai, India in 2015. 

Our situation was inspired by Fiona Whyte’s 2014 documentary on her and her partner Seán Malone’s surrogacy journey and the couple's follow-up book, published in 2017, Without a Doubt: An Irish Couple’s Journey Through IVF, Adoption and Surrogacy, which outlined the legal difficulties of having a child through surrogacy in Ireland. 

As she writes in the book, "In the eyes of the Irish State, I don’t exist". In Irish law, the mother of a child is the person who gives birth to the child.

Our shared journey  

In Mumbai, I met Senator Mary Seery Kearney, Fine Gael Seanad spokesperson on Children, Disability, Equality, Integration and Privacy Rights, whose daughter Scarlett was born within a few days of Kate. 

Senator Mary Seery Kearney with her daughter Scarlett who was born by surrogate. Suzanne Grennan has been on a long journey with the senator and other surrogate parents fighting for recognition. File picture: Moya Nolan

What we went through to get our girls back to Ireland has shaped our friendship ever since. I remember sweat dripping from our faces in the 50C Delhi heat. We had to fly the babies there when they were 10 days old as there was no Irish consulate in Mumbai. 

Suffice to say we had to battle for their passports, and we have been battling ever since as Fiona, Mary, and I are still not recognised in Irish law as our children’s mothers because we did not give birth to them. 

The support of these mammies has got me through so much over the past five years, in particular applying for legal guardianship, as I tried to negotiate a pathway as the non-biological parent of a child born through surrogacy.

Proposed new law  

The Health (Assisted Human Reproduction) Bill 2022 will ensure that parents of children born through surrogacy will be recognised in Irish law with a protective and ethical framework in place which also safeguards the rights of their children. 

Cabinet agreed legislative amendments to be brought to the committee stage of the bill to legislate for international surrogacy. 

These amendments will allow parents across Ireland who are not currently recognised by the State to apply for parental orders so that they can make decisions for their children. 

The surrogacy committee report is being debated in the Dáil on Thursday, April 27. I will be sitting in the gallery with others in the same position, collectively, Irish Families through Surrogacy. We hope to stand at one point and reveal t-shirts with the word ‘MAMMY’ written on them.

Suzanne Grennan with her daughter Kate. She points out one of the many practical effects of surrogate parents not being recognised by the State — she was not entitled to parental leave. 

We all have had to apply for legal guardianship of our children, and now we are advocating for retrospective declarations of parentage for all non-biological parents of children born through surrogacy. 

Senator Seery Kearney has been relentless on our behalf and if the legislation goes through, it will in large part be due to her tenacity.

Our children are wonderful, and we are devoted parents. They have been in our arms from the moment they were born.

I remember coming into Shannon Airport with my baby daughter. I still have the banners that welcomed us home and a prized picture of my sister Margaret, holding her little niece for the very first time. 

Like Fiona and Mary, I was not entitled to parental leave so the first year of our children’s lives was extra challenging in terms of bonding and maintaining work/life balance.

Many Irish families were inspired by Fiona Whyte and Seán Malone's book, 'Without a Doubt: An Irish Couple’s Journey Through IVF, Adoption and Surrogacy'. 

My current situation as a single parent mirrors the position of some others. I am fortunate that I co-parent Kate with her biological father; but others who have legally separated, are not necessarily in that situation. 

That is why it must be regularised for all couples regardless of gender who have had children through surrogacy. The rights of the second, non-biological parent must be enshrined in law in the event of marriage/relationship breakdown.

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On April 27, we will all be there, linked together, a rainbow family. We have all battled hard: Infertility, illness, marriage breakdown, financial constraints, prejudice. All we are asking for is that our diverse families have the same rights as yours; that we will finally exist in the eyes of the Irish State.

Love is love.