‘Holding the little white coffin in your hands is an experience so unimaginable’
Kai Collins with his late little sister, Allie. 'That time at home gave us the chance to create precious memories together as a family before she left us.'
Áine Healy Collins was faced with a parent’s worst nightmare when she lost her newborn daughter on Christmas Day, 2022. She was “adamant lightning couldn’t strike twice” but then she tragically lost a second baby girl last year.
Ms Collin's daughter Hollie died on Christmas morning three years ago — only a couple of hours after her birth.
“We never got to bring her home, her funeral was on New Year’s Eve — two occasions that are supposed to be filled with joy, but for us, they are now heavily weighted with loss. Hollie would be three years old this Christmas,” Ms Collins told the .
Áine said she was “fortunate to conceive again”, but tragically, she lost another daughter, Allie, four months after her birth, on November 14, 2024.
“I had been adamant that lightning couldn’t strike twice, but then we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Allie. Tragically, we lost her due to a genetic condition.
"For the majority of her short life, we spent two-thirds of it in hospital, but the incredible support from Jack and Jill and LauraLynn allowed us to bring her home,” she said.
After Hollie's death, the Limerick native wrote a book to help her son Kai navigate his grief. A story “full of love”, uses gentle language and imagery to address loss in a way children can understand.
“I wanted to find a way to help my son Kai make sense of what had happened in a way that felt honest, gentle, and full of love. So I wrote this book for him and for all the children and families trying to navigate grief after baby loss,” she said.
In , a boy named Kai and his sister Hollie share an unbreakable bond, even though they are separated by loss. “For my son, my husband and for me, this book became more than a story — it became a shared language for grief.
“It gave my son permission to ask questions in his own time and to express emotions that he might not otherwise have been able to explain. And for me, it was a way to hold space for my own grief while supporting his,” she said.
Hollie and Allie are buried together in Ballingarry graveyard. “From our house, you can see the graveyard — it feels like an extension of our garden, so they always feel close.”
After sharing her family’s story, Ms Collins said others have been reaching out — opening the conversation about loss and the void it leaves behind.
She said:
For Ms Collins, hearing that her story has offered comfort to others has been “profoundly healing”. Over the Christmas season, she believes it’s important to reach out to those who are grieving — even though you may not always know how to approach them.
“At times, loneliness and darkness creep in — and they will — but reach out and ask for help. It’s difficult to reach out to people who you know are grieving, but never hesitate. Make the call, let them know you are thinking of them, even though life has moved on.
"That connection — knowing that something we created from our own loss can help another family navigate theirs — has been one of the most meaningful parts of this journey,” she said.
Loss comes in waves and throughout hardships, Ms Collins says her son, Kai, was the “most amazing” brother.
“He adored his sister, sang to her, and even made Allie stop crying with what he called his ‘magic hands.’ His love and innocence brought light into some of our darkest days. We are so so proud of Kai.”
As a parent, she says “giving a eulogy to your own child is one of the hardest things you can ever do”.
For her, trying to put into words a life that was so brief was overwhelming.
“Holding the little white coffin in your hands is an experience so raw and unimaginable — a mixture of love, heartbreak, and disbelief all at once.
“You want to honour them fully, capture their spirit, and convey your love, all while navigating your own grief. It’s an experience that no parent should ever have to face, and yet it becomes a profound, though heart-wrenching, way to say goodbye and celebrate the life that touched your heart so deeply.”
There is no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to grieving, and each person feels it differently.
“Grieving a child as a married couple is incredibly hard in ways that are often invisible to others. Each of you experiences the loss differently, and sometimes it can feel isolating even when you are side by side.
“Simple things, like daily routines or holidays, can become triggers for sorrow, and there’s a constant challenge in trying to support each other while carrying your own pain. Communication becomes both essential and difficult — there are moments when words fail and yet simply being present for one another is what keeps the bond strong.
“It’s a delicate balance of mourning together, respecting each other’s emotions, and finding ways to navigate life while carrying a loss that never truly goes away,” she explained.
Some days are harder than others, and life “doesn’t pause” for loss.
“Some days, I don’t want to talk to anyone, or even leave the house, I simply can’t. The weight of grief can feel suffocating, and yet somehow, we find the strength to keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time. It’s a constant balancing act between honouring the depth of your sorrow and continuing to live.”
In her native Ballingarry, family, friends and the local community rallied for Ms Collins and her family — acts of kindness she will never forget.
“These experiences have changed how I live and what I value. I no longer have the headspace or resilience for drama or negativity outside my immediate circle — it’s taught me the true importance of real friendships, family, and presence.
"Now, everything is about giving my loved ones time, creating genuine memories, and cherishing every moment we have together. No matter the heartbreak, we will always be a family of five.”
Christmas can be particularly difficult for anyone going through loss, but despite it all, Ms Collins makes sure to keep the bright lights of the holiday shining for her son.
“We are fortunate to have Kai and to watch the magic of Christmas through his eyes, which brings light and joy even in difficult times.
“All he wants from Santa this year is a dog. He is lonely and carries a void he can’t explain — he just feels it — and it’s a reminder of how grief touches everyone differently, even children.”
To remember her daughters by, Ms Collins tries to create moments where Hollie and Allie “feel present” even though they are no longer here physically.
Whether by lighting a candle or including a symbol for them in the family’s Christmas decorations, Ms Collins makes sure to create moments where Hollie and Allie “feel present”.
“It’s important to remember that grief doesn’t remove love, including those we’ve lost in our celebrations keeps their memory alive and helps our family feel connected, even in the midst of sadness.
"For me, it’s about balance: acknowledging the loss, honouring it, but also finding moments of joy and togetherness with the family we still have.”
All sales of the non-profit book, , are donated to Féileacáin, a charity that supports families who have experienced the death of a baby, as well as Limerick’s Children’s Grief Centre, which provides specialist support for grieving families.
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
