Jennifer Stevens: The losers and losers of the Wagatha Christie trial
Rebekah Vardy arriving at the Royal Courts of Justice in London where she is locked in a legal battle with Coleen Rooney which has been dubbed the 'Wagatha Christie' trial. Picture: Dan Kitwood/Getty
This week many productive hours have been lost to a story that has gripped a lot of us for close to two and a half years.
The libel case involving footballers' wives Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy that has been playing out all week in an oak-panelled London courtroom is Shakespearean in its drama and as salacious as the tabloid pages to which Vardy has been accused of leaking.
We’re used to the high dramatics of British celebrities who, since time immemorial, have colluded with paparazzi to share the tiniest details of their overprivileged lives but this week’s trial has taken it to a whole new level.
While in Ireland you’re much more likely to meet our homegrown celebrities in your local Supervalu than glimpse them on a red carpet, and the term WAG is seen as a derogatory slur on the partners of our professional sportspeople, the sheer amounts of money involved in football, reality TV, or the two combined in the UK has resulted in a level of celebrity that definitely has more money than sense.
Back in 2019 Coleen impressed us all with her elaborate sting operation to weed out the rat in her camp.
After a number of stories from her private Instagram account were leaked to the press, Coleen claimed she restricted access to certain stories to just Rebekah so that if they made their way into the papers, she would know who the culprit was.
Low and behold they did, and Coleen took to Twitter with a flourish to say: “It’s……. Rebekah Vardy’s account.”
Before you could say meme, social media did its thing and Wagatha Christie was trending.
That led to Rebekah suing Coleen for libel and the trial this week before the High Court, which surely in its 130-year history has never seen the likes of a case like this. In its first few days Rebekah answered questions on a wide range of topics including her absolute belief in privacy for everyone except Peter Andre; her agent’s phone that unfortunately fell into the North Sea just as it could be useful; and her relationship with a number of ‘helpful’ journalists.
The case, which had seemed to be hanging by a thread since its first day, appeared to have unravelled somewhat on Thursday afternoon as Rebekah admitted to knowing that her agent had been giving personal information about the Rooneys to a journalist at , though she claimed: “I didn’t think she was passing on any new information.” Coleen’s barrister David Sherborne interjected with: “Take the word ‘new’ out of it. Did you, or did you not, know that Ms Watt was passing on information from Mrs Rooney’s private account?”
The agent in question, who Rebekah has been accused of "throwing under the bus’" is Caroline Watt. She, like Rebekah’s husband Jamie Vardy, has not been in court, having been declared unfit to give oral evidence by a consultant psychiatrist.
With no cameras in the court itself, those following the case have been poring over photos of the two women as they arrived. Style commentators have been gleeful in their reporting as Rebekah came to court every day this week in fashions the Scottish Widow would envy, ready to take the stand. Coleen’s much more understated outfits have been accessorised by a single Gucci loafer, a medical boot, and her husband Wayne, whose own style has evolved rather rapidly into full-on football manager uniform of buttoned-up shirt, navy mac, and a Roy Keane beard.
Indeed his new look seems to have confounded the courtroom artists and the daily sketches of Wayne have resembled Phil Mitchell, Tyson Fury, and what one particularly eloquent Twitter user described as a "potato in a suit".
All along the process, judges pleaded with the two women to settle the matter out of court but Coleen and Rebekah, heels (and medical boot) dug firmly in, cannot be seen to back down now.
It’s so pointless, experts have said that legal costs will far outweigh any potential damages that the victorious side might get at the end of it all. It has been estimated that those costs are already in excess of £1m each while the winner could expect to receive a payout in the region of just £15,000 (€17,630) to £40,000.
Indeed, David Sherborne QC called the legal proceedings a pointless endeavour and he closed his opening remarks with: “This whole court might just think: Why on earth are we here?”
Coleen agrees with that sentiment and in the first few minutes of appearing on the stand said: “I don’t want to be here… it’s Mrs Vardy who has brought me here.”
However this isn’t, and has never been, about the money. They have enough, indeed some might say, too much of that.
In the world of the bored and bitchy this is about saving face and coming out on top. It’s about who has outsmarted who.
The last week has been like binge-watching the finale of of the Premier League where you know there’ll be a dramatic ending with one cast member flung aside forever.
As we know from these things there can only be one real winner and without a doubt that will be the first commissioning editor at Netflix to buy a series based on the case. From the producers of comes Wagatha Christie: A Tale of Two Wags starring Suranne Jones as Rebekah Vardy, Keira Knightley as Coleen Rooney (because she has already bagsied the part), Hugh Grant as David Sherborne, and Stephen Graham as Wayne because you’re not allowed to make a British drama without giving him a role.
There’s still a couple of days to go and if it doesn’t end with Coleen exiting the court on the final day wearing a cape, a monocle, and sporting a tiny Poirot moustache, this will all have been for nothing.
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