Colman Noctor: Life will not pick up where it left off for children because restrictions end

As children reintegrate, they will take the emotional and developmental baggage of the last two years with them. It is important, therefore, that they are supported through patience, time, and compassion to re-establish the skills required to navigate a non-pandemic world.

As we move from pandemic restrictions to endemic, there are many reasons to be optimistic.

The large-scale reopening and end to most of the restrictions is a good thing.

The cost of the last two years to the mental health of all of us has been significant and any light at the end of the tunnel is to be welcomed.

How will this flight into normality be experienced by children and young people though? Despite the air of excitement at the moment, I would respectfully suggest that there is a need to proceed with caution.

We may not all be on the same page when it comes to our relationship with pandemic restrictions and therefore, to rush the process of reintegration may create difficulties. There will still be people who are anxious about the potential spread of Covid and it is important for all of us that we remember that, in spite of our exuberance.

The main cost of the pandemic for children has been the impact on their social and emotional development.

 I have always felt that despite them being two years older than they were pre-pandemic, their social and emotional development has been cryogenically frozen for much of that time

This has led to gaps and delays in their maturity, social savvy, and experiential wisdom.

It is important to remind ourselves that social and emotional progression and mental fitness is similar to physical fitness. By this, I mean that it is a gradual process. You don’t run a 26- mile marathon cold; you begin a gradual training regime that acclimatises you to the conditions and you build stamina progressively. Mental fitness is similar. We will need to reintegrate into the post-covid world and allow ourselves time to readjust and find our level.

Emotional baggage

As children reintegrate, they will take the emotional and developmental baggage of the last two years with them. It is important, therefore, that they are supported through patience, time, and compassion to re-establish the skills required to navigate a non-pandemic world.

Some will have little or no memory of what life was like pre-pandemic and it is up to us as adults to show them what that looks like and how they can negotiate it.

The first measure I want to see removed is the god-awful elbow-bumping ritual. While most of the pandemic habits grew on me over time, this never sat comfortably with me. Yet, while I may be excited to bring back the handshake, there are children who have never witnessed this ritual and we need to show patience and make allowances for these missed steps. 

The old normal

The last two years introduced us all to the awful term “the new normal”. The way we have had to act for the last two years was not the “new normal”, it was a “temporary abnormal”.

Hopefully, with an end to pandemic restrictions, the old normal can return.

However, we need to remember that although we as adults have a memory of this, children and young people may not. They learned many social and emotional nuances in an abnormal set of conditions and their template for interaction and communication occurred in an abnormal time. Therefore, we need to exercise patience, calmness, and tolerance as we scaffold their reintroduction to our old normal.

We must allow pandemic habits to die hard and support young people to find their feet in a new old world.

Life will not pick up where it left off for children. Where they are physically and intellectually may not represent where they are emotionally and socially. As the grown-ups in their lives, let’s support them to make up for the experiences they missed out on, at a pace they can manage. Some will
readjust without difficulty but others are less resilient and we need to support them to relearn in as supportive a manner as possible.

Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist