All the single ladies not crying out for a man

SINGLE since the break-up of a relationship over a year ago, Michelle Killian is enjoying life.

So far this year she has been to Thailand, Israel, Greece, Italy and Malta — and she’s looking at Costa Rica for Christmas.

“I know so many people who are in relationships for all the wrong reasons — such as because they don’t want to be on their own,” she says.

“I know some women who feel the relationship they’re in is not what they want. Yet when I ask them why they stay, they say that they don’t want to have to go back on the scene and to have to meet people and they’re at an age where they don’t want to be in bars and nightclubs.

“I know men who say they stay in a relationship out of a fear of loneliness — they’re afraid of losing married friends and their social network, or they stay in a marriage because of the kids or the house or the finances.

“They don’t want to lose their standard of living, they don’t want the trauma of separating and splitting everything up and having to start again. I think there are a lot of people who feel that they don’t want to take the gamble that they might not meet someone more suitable at that stage in their life.”

Michelle would love to find romance again, but is not willing to compromise: “I am very independent and I don’t feel desperately lonely or needy. It’d be lovely to have someone special in my life but I’m not willing to settle for just anyone because I’d be afraid of being on my own.

“It can be hard not taking the easy option, which would be to just settle for someone, but at the end I think I am better off.”

Now aged 40, Michelle is also tired of the humdrum social scene: “If I go to a club, I like to dance. A lot of men will sit in groups with their friends and stare into their pints. Irish men are very shy about approaching women. If they have had quite a lot of beer, then they might approach you because guys get confident from drinking — but you’re not interested because you know they’re drinking. I’d be far more interested in someone who was not drinking.”

However, Michelle adds, she knows why some men are nervous: “It can be very difficult for men to approach women. I’ve seen some girls who have been extremely rude and insulting when they are approached by men.

“They give the men terrible rebuffs — dirty looks or turn their back on them, or they imply the man isn’t good enough to talk to them. The men retreat.”

Women also drink heavily, she says: “I’ve seen girls in nightclubs at the end of the night who are very drunk and the guys are groping them. I think women drink more than men now because they think it’s cool.”

The strict demarcation between groups of men and groups of women out on the town is a peculiarly Irish thing, she feels. “I think it’s a cultural thing. The women go out with women and the guys are out with the guys, they tend to see each other only in terms of sexual relationships.

“It is difficult to find a relationship,” Michelle says. “Anyone I have met has been through mutual friends or at a dinner party or show, etc, but I don’t think I have ever met anyone in a club or a pub.

“I’ve kind of given up on the scene myself and I don’t see myself as out there looking.

“I also think that for a lot of men it’s just about getting someone to come home with them for the night — they’re not interested in a relationship.”