To us alcoholics, dry January is for amateurs

Dry January is not for proper alcoholics. We need February to December to be dry as well, without breaks for birthdays or bar mitzvahs, writes Suzanne Harrington

Oh get you, you normal drinkers with your Dry January. Counting the days until February 1 — just 48 more hours, soda sippers — whilst diverting yourselves with board games and jigsaws and clench-jawed eye-rolls of wry solidarity. Some of you not even making it to the end of the month without collapsing, like Chris Evans, into a beer, saying it’s just too hard. That life without booze is too samey. That Friday night and Tuesday morning feel no different.

The rest of you may sincerely believe your liver will be writing you thank-you notes once it can sit up straight and focus again after Sodden December. You might even believe you are going to lose weight, get glowy skin and sparkly eyes, increased memory, enhanced intellect, become more sexually attractive.