Shaken when the ringing in my ears prompts terror in my heart

When any phone goes off in my presence, I assume death, destruction, fire, and pestilence, writes Terry Prone

THE landline in the house rang the other day and I nearly had to go to A&E to get over it. The first thing was that I had no idea what it was, it’s so long since that phone said anything to anybody. The second problem was that it was like an assault. I had forgotten how raucously exigent is a telephone with a full frontal old-fashioned ringing noise.

I didn’t answer it, I was so shaken by its unexpected bellowing and then I spent the night wondering who it had been and if they were going to come after me.