‘I will be very proud if I achieve inner turmoil and outer calm’

Monday, 11 am, and I am in hospital, about to undergo a “routine” procedure which requires “conscious sedation”, a tiny camera on a long black cable for bodily insertion, and for me to “just relax”.

11.10am. I’m put into a side room. And left alone with my thoughts.

11.12. I am wondering about the applicability of the words “routine” and “relax” to a medical practice that requires a long black cable for bodily insertion.