Novel ideas for bikini girls to dip toes into

THE comedian Jenny Éclair wrote recently of the five ages of swimwear. The bikini, the tankini, the one piece, the one piece with sarong, and finally, being buried up to your neck in sand. Chronologically, I am probably somewhere between the sarong and full burial.

Unless of course you ignore this and remember that really, the only thing you need for a bikini body is (a) a bikini and (b) a body. With that in mind you may be hitting the beach in your brand new not-terribly-teeny-weeny polka dot bikini, all pale blue midriff and chunky wobble. Looking nothing like an air-brushed magazine page, and not caring even slightly. Caring about not looking air-brushed is like being angry at the weather. You’d better get over it fast, or relocate to a different climate.

No, what is far more concerning is not having the right beach body, but having the right beach book. The beach is just the right place for a big fat bikini-clad readathon. But which books?