Forced to UK for stillbirth of son

It is 13 years since my eldest son was stillborn. His name is Joshua. I am sitting at home, with my wife and our four young children, (age from seven to eleven) deciding how to mark his birthday/anniversary.

Should we have a cake, and, if so, what type? A birthday cake doesn’t seem appropriate, because it is usually accompanied by the song Happy Birthday. Is it time for Joshua’s younger siblings to see the photographs taken of him after his birth? One of my daughters said she couldn’t wait to be dead, so she could see what he looked like.

Most families who have lost a child go to the graveyard, and say a prayer or spend time in memory of what was, and possibly in contemplation of what could have been (Joshua would now be celebrating his coming of age, as a bone-fide teenager), but definitely in recognition of the part that their child played, and continues to play, in their lives. We can’t do that, because we don’t have a grave for our son.