This tablet has solution to all of life’s problems

MEN, look away now.

Do something manly. Go chop wood, or kill something — this column is not for you. No sir. This is for the ladies. Ladies, smooth down your aprons and step out of the kitchen for a moment — not too long, mind — so that you can hear about the latest product invented for your pretty little selves. The ePad Femme. No, not the latest incontinence or sanitary product, but a tablet. And no again, not the kind of tablet you’re thinking of — those little round ones that make you feel relaxed as you do the hoovering — but an actual piece of technology.

It’s like an iPad, except made by the Dubai-based Eurostar Group (no, not that Eurostar), and it comes with its apps preloaded so you don’t have do anything as difficult as downloading one all by yourself.

The preloaded apps are exactly what ladies want. Nothing cultural, political, or financial. Heavens no. Instead there’s Daily Yoga, Yoga for Women, Women’s Fitness, Shopping List, Our Groceries, and three cookery apps — Indian Recipes, Middle Eastern Recipes and Arabic Recipes. Oh, and there’s a Cloathing Size Conversion (yes, that’s how they spelled it, so it must be right) plus something called Women’s Assistant, the logo is a weighing scales wrapped in a tape measure, so we can only hope it’s to help us avoid the cardinal lady sin of getting fat.

“It makes a perfect gadget for a woman who might find difficulties in terms of downloading these applications and it is a quick reference,” one of the manufacturing executives said, adding that it was “not sexist.”

Of course not! After all, it covers everything we ladies love — shopping for nice dresses, cooking for men, and obsessing about the size of our ass. And now a modern piece of technology that incorporates all these wide-ranging interests into one pink-backgrounded piece of kit. Thank you, manufacturers! And for the more bohemian ladies out there, there are even those two yoga apps. Remember, yoga is very good for toning your bingo wings, especially if you’ve been making too many dinners from all those other apps and are starting to look a bit porky.

Obviously with every startling new invention, there are the killjoys and the nay-sayers. One feminist Saudi Arabian blogger, Eman Al Nafjan, refuses to be impressed by this digital lady gift. “Whoever made this tablet doesn’t understand us very well,” she said. “We are home all the time and we are extremely tech-savvy.”

Saudi women are at home all the time, because they are not allowed to leave the house without a male relative, nor are they allowed to drive. This leaves them with plenty of time for yoga, new recipes, and making sure they stay on the right side of the tape measure.