Doggy diet is not to my porky pooch’s taste

AT a time when eat-a-lot pets are experiencing the rough end of human economic fall-out, those lovely people at Dog’s Trust Dublin have sent out a Canine Charter For Human Health to remind us of the mental and physical benefits of dog ownership.

Namely, that dog owners make fewer visits to the doctor, are less stressed, have lower blood pressure and better immune systems. That people who walk their dogs are healthier than non-dog owners, and owning a dog can safeguard against depression (although not as effectively as Prozac, I find). Oh, and dog owners tend to recover quicker from heart attacks, even ones brought on by vet bills.

I read this list aloud to my two dogs, but they aren’t listening. One is shedding in her sleep and the other gnawing intently at my wellies. With considerable determination, she has converted them from the conventional design to toeless and heel-less; those coloured chunks dotted around the garden are not early blooming spring flowers, but Rottweiler-processed rubber. As my stress levels rise, I realise I cannot alleviate them by going for a dog walk because I no longer have the footwear.