Enda’s Davos performance was more Britney than GaGa

Our Taoiseach’s comments about the people of Ireland’s ’mad borrowing’ didn’t quite give his billionaire buddies the full story, as he failed to mention the role that lenders and the bank guarantee played in getting us into this mess

GUSHING, even by RTÉ standards, the news reader breathlessly announced “Enda Kenny is to make his first appearance at the world economic forum in Davos today” like the Taoiseach was Lady GaGa about to headline Glastonbury before an ecstatic audience.

Pah. Enda sucking-up to every passing billionaire in the Swiss resort, and hopelessly doing his usual trick of trying to mug his way into any possible photo shot with a suitably uncomfortable looking Angela Merkel?

But then Enda went and pulled off a quite extraordinary performance that transfixed the nation. Sadly, it was not in the league of Lady GaGa, but rather more reminiscent of that embarrassing Britney Spears turn at the 2007 MTV awards when she went on stage ill-prepared, unable to mime her words, and, frankly, coming across like a bit of a mess.

It was a near-career killing performance which led to much public debate about her sanity and future.

And now our very own petit blonde, Enda, is suffering the same fate.

As if he had not prostrated himself before the money men enough by giving the Anglo boys yet another €1.25bn our of cash (his signature song, of course, being: “Hit Me Banker One More Time”), Enda felt this was not quite obsequious enough and so absolved them of any blame in the economic and financial collapse of this country.

Suddenly shifting from a bad Britney impersonator into a slightly older, but certainly no wiser, Fr Dougal, Enda announced: “It’s mad Ted. The people of Ireland went mad on the auld debt. Dopey feckers.”

Davos is like Butlin’s for the super rich, an inclusive intellectual power house, according to its supporters — the evil embodiment of the shadowy underground world government where the mega-corporations give craven politicians their orders for the year ahead, according to its critics.

It attracts the most influential and powerful people on the planet — which begs the question: How the hell did Enda get in?

Maybe it’s like when people win VIP tickets to Glastonbury on Crazy Rock FM 103: “On line seven, it’s Enda from Mayo — what you up to, Enda?

“Ah, you know, I’m busy letting Paddy know what’s going on, giving every last penny the country still has back to the casino cowboys who fecked the place up in the first place, shutting down schools for disadvantaged kids, you know, the usual....”

“Coolio. So, for a VIP ticket to Davos, Enda, answer this question: ‘What’s your own name?’”

“Yes! I know this one! It’s, er, Enda?”

“You’re on your way to Davos, dudester! But don’t worry about packing your skis ’cos you won’t be able to get your foot out of your mouth for long enough to use them when you’re there....”

Enda was looking foolish before even touching down in Switzerland after being forced to admit he did not even know the names of the people the Anglo payments would be going to.

Most people who get mugged against their will (ie: every other person in the world apart from Enda) usually gets at least a glimpse of the person snatching their cash — yet Mr Kenny, who actually runs up to the offender and stuffs €1.25bn of our money into their pockets — doesn’t even ask their name. Curious.

On top of that, we had to endure the most cringe-makingly blatant and armature piece of news management to try and cover-up the shameful State hand-out to hard-pressed Anglo billionaires as it just so happened the long awaited — still inadequate — reform of the bankruptcy and debt laws was unveiled on the same day.

This was coupled with the National Treasury Management Agency tentatively trying a small scale re-entry to the bond markets with results that though not good, were not quite awful.

All that was needed to complete the attempted manipulation of public opinion was another pointless police raid on the offices of Anglo itself — but then that might not have looked so good really.

And as the section working on the Anglo case does not even have enough officers to form a GAA team, they probably could not spare the bodies for such a stunt anyway.

To be fair to Enda (oh, go on, let’s try) he was right in the sense that (many, but by no means all) people in this country did hoover up credit like it was crack cocaine. But what about the pushers? Yes, the very bankers Mr Kenny is so keen to cosy-up to who got us hooked on the first hit with easy payments and then moved in for the kill once we were addicted.

And there was also that little matter of the Fianna Fiasco government’s disastrous bank guarantee which Fine Gael voted through the Dáil (along with Sinn Féin).

And how come it wasn’t our fault when Enda made his sterile state of the nation address last month, but, now it suddenly is when he’s chatting to a bunch of bankers and thinks we’re too thick to listen?

Mr Kenny talked tough at the election hustings, but has since been depressingly happy to sell-out his party’s promises — and the country’s future — by groveling before the Anglo bondholders and their bully boy minders in the European Central Bank as he carries on with the delusionally disastrous pretence we can, and will, pay debts that dwarf our gross domestic product.

The much vaunted debt legislation was further proof that we live in a bankocracy, not a democracy, where despite the tax payer saving the financial institutions from the consequences of their own folly, it will always be the little guy that gets screwed as banks are given the final say over who is deserving of being rescued from the debt pushed at them, and who is not.

From Davos to debt-resolution policy, Mr Kenny has shown himself to be a human cushion — as he always bears the imprint of the last banker to have sat upon him.

But then why did we expect anything better from Enda?

As Lady GaGa herself would, no doubt, say: “Baby, He Was Born This Way”.