Pub tale of the politician and a one-legged pensioner

WHAT a wonderful pub story from Seamus Coffee (Letters, January 5), even if the fundamental premise follows economic reasoning rather than basic logic.

The question is not what we pay in tax or the percentage – the question is how much are we left with? Anyway, the rich don’t fraternise with the plebs and no publican reduces the price of the pint.

My pub is more usual, working men supping pints in the public bar while the solicitors and politicians are sipping brandy in the lounge.

In walk a banker and a developer and sidle into the snug (you remember snugs in old-fashioned bars?).

“Champagne,” calls the banker, “and a drink for my friends in the lounge.”

But when it comes time to pay he finds his wallet is empty.

“I’ve loaned out all my own money and all I could borrow to Mr Developer and he’s not in a position to pay me back. Mr Politician, what can you do for me?”

Mr Politician goes into the public bar and declares an emergency. “We all have to help the banker. We’re all in this mess together, so we have to pull together like good socialists to preserve the principles of capitalism. So it’s one pint less for you lot each night with the money going into a kitty for the banker, and that goes for your kids when they’re old enough to pay and maybe even their children.”

“I’m making a sacrifice as well,” Mr Politician added, ” no more Schweppes in my Cognac. Well, just a dash and I’m forgoing the cheese and onion crisps as well.” The developer feels slightly faint after all the bad news and the effect of the champers, so when Mr Politician goes to hit the smokers for their contribution a one-legged pensioner in a wheelchair passes by.

“Can you stand on your one leg?” Mr Politician asks. “You’ll have to suffer a little like everyone else.”

Mr Politician then takes the chair and puts it under the bum of the developer.

“Good”, the banker exclaimed. “All’s well that ends well. I deserve a little bonus for that astute move. Barman, another bottle of bubbly here.”

That is a true story. The pub is called The Cowen Inn

Patrick Dolan

Pearse Street

Kinsale

Co Cork